Friday, September 9, 2011

Friday Funnies: Recipes

Yesterday I posted a few really good recipes. Today I've got some really funny ones.

Do you remember Red Skelton?

Here's his Recipe for the Perfect Marriage:

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food, and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere...but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said, "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me, "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

* * *

A few weeks ago, we had cable TV installed in our home. (Yes, I know, we were in the dark ages.) I mostly wanted it for the Food Network and HGTV, since I'm a big fan of several programs on both channels.

I haven't actually watched Down Home with the Neelys yet, but they sound like BIG eaters if this recipe for Smashed Potatoes and Broccoli is any indication (click on the recipe for a larger version):

Some of the comments by the reviewers cracked me up:

“Man, I was so tired after peeling 3,069,954 lbs of potatoes, I didn’t even get to the rest of the recipe! I think I passed out.”

"It needed more milk, broccoli, cream, and butter. Besides that, it wasn't bad." -theking910

"Thanks to this recipe, I discovered that taking 3,069,954 potatoes and smashing them actually causes them to condense considerably down to about 8 potatoes. I love educational recipes!" -Don'tCallMeFerry

I doubt I would have discovered that recipe on my own, but I happened to run across a website called Food Network Humor. Some of the posts are rather crude, while others are downright hilarious.

For example, here's another dish showcased there:

Pictured above is Paula Deen's Cheesy Ham and Banana Casserole. Now, I have seen Paula on TV and usually most of her recipes sound pretty good. But this one is a glaring exception.

Jillian from FNH called it "a heavy contender for one of the worst recipes on the planet. It’s a nasty combination of ham, bananas, bacon, cheese, and potato chips sandwiched between soggy, eggy slices of white bread. And rumor has it that if you can actually swallow one bite down, you’ll instantly get Type II Diabetes."

The episode was called "Gone Bananas," and I'm afraid it's what temporarily happened to Paula.

In all fairness, my mom always claimed you have to try an outfit on before you can tell if it looks good or bad. She was talking about clothes, of course, but certainly the same can be said about food. So, um, if you decide to try it...will you let me know?

1 comment:

Marie said...

Funny, funny, funny...Ah I remember it well. My DH also loved every word of it and he doesn't do blogs!