Friday, November 11, 2011

Friday Funnies: Military Humor


First, I wanted to express our gratitude to the honorable military veterans who have served our country. Today's post is not meant to make light of their sacrifices in any way.

But since it's Veterans Day, after all, we thought it would be fun to share the following advice and instructions taken from actual military sources:

"Aim towards the enemy."
-Instruction printed on U.S. rocket launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
-U.S. Marine Corps

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
-USAF Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
-Infantry Journal

"A slipping gear could let your m203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
-Army's magazine of prevention maintenance

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
-U.S. Air Force manual

"Tracers work both ways."
-U.S. Army Ordnance

"Five-second fuses only last three seconds."
-Infantry Journal

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
-Infantry Journal

"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him."
-USAF Ammo Troop

* * *

And here are a couple of jokes:

Telephone

Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, and then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."

Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"

"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."

Naval Student

A young naval student was being rigorously tested orally by an old sea captain.

Captain: "What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on starboard?"
Student: "Throw out an anchor, sir."
Captain: "What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"
Student: "Throw out another anchor, sir."
Captain: "Suppose another horrendous storm sprang up forward. What would you do?
Student: "Throw out another anchor, sir.
Captain: "Hold on. Where are you getting all those anchors from?
Student: "From the same place you are getting your storms, sir."

* * *

Finally, not a joke but rather a resource: I found this list of restaurant meals and other specials for veterans. I haven't personally verified each item, but I've seen several versions of this page and assume they are legitimate. Happy Veterans Day!

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