Friday, December 30, 2011
Friday Funnies: New Year's Resolutions
Are you tired of making the same New Year’s resolutions that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some ideas to get you started:
1. Cut down on exercise.
2. Eat more chocolate, Big Macs, and ice cream. Reduce intake of fresh fruit and vegetables.
3. Gain weight, at least 30 pounds or more. (Easier to do if you follow #1 and #2.)
4. Lose your keys and cell phone on a regular basis.
5. Think of a password other than "password."
6. Read fewer books and watch more TV.
7. Spend more time at work surfing the Internet.
8. Frequently share your experience and advice with others, such as "I told you so!" and “Do as I say, not as I do.”
9. Don’t waste any more time reliving the past; instead, spend it worrying about the future.
10. Stop bringing lunch from home, and eat out more often.
11. Let hair grow on legs and underarms.
12. Over water or under water plants. Make them turn a pathetic shade of yellow.
13. Max out all your credit cards.
14. Lie about your age. Subtract at least eight years.
15. Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.