Friday, January 13, 2012

Friday Funnies: Airplanes

Yesterday I took my first flight of the year, as I traveled to Dallas for this weekend's SSAT show in Mesquite.

Most of the time, I go on Delta since they're based in Twin Cities where I live. It would be fun if their planes were painted like this one:

Apparently, South African Kulula Airlines has a good sense of humor:

Speaking of humor, these "possible alternative meanings" to the instructions given on Airline Safety Cards crack me up:

I've heard the flight attendant's safety lecture about a gajillion times over the course of my travels. Every once in a while, one of them will insert a few funny comments into their spiel. And sometimes the pilots even get comedic.

Here are a few examples of real announcements that have been reportedly heard:

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."

From the pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane until we land. It's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."

After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.

"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

"Last one off the plane must clean it."

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight."

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: "That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendants' was the asphalt!"

Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. The next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."


Cindy2 said...

Before I retired, Fridays were great because it was the last work day. After I retired, before I found your blog, Fridays were just like any other day. You always make me giggle, and thanks for that.

Eve said...

I always enjoy your Friday Funny! :-)

Jovita said...

Hope you had a great flight and thanks for the funnies. Have a wonderful weekend.

Jackie Wamhoff said...

Thanks very much for your sweet comments, ladies. Happy to be able to share a few smiles with you. :-)

Bev Gerard said...

Those funnies are bringing welcome **giggles** to this house!

It was fabulous to see you and the entire crew this past weekend! Have a splendid CHA!