Friday, May 11, 2012

Friday Funnies: Mom Humor

Things My Mother Taught Me

Logic: "Because I said so, that's why."

To Appreciate A Job Well Done: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"

Religion: "You'd better pray that will come out of the carpet."

Time Travel: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

Irony: "Keep crying and I'll really give you something to cry about."

Contortionism: "Will you just look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

Stamina: "You'll sit there until all that spinach is finished."

Weather: "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

The Circle Of Life: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

Humor: "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

Anticipation: "Just wait until your father gets home."

Justice: "One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU. Then you'll see what it's like!"

Things Mom Would Never Say

"How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"

"Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too."

"Just leave all the lights on. It makes the house look more cheery."

"Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day."

"Well, if Paul's mom says it's okay, that's good enough for me."

"I don't have a tissue with me. Just use your sleeve."

"Don't bother wearing a jacket. The windchill is bound to improve."

The Stages of Motherhood

4 Years Old - My mommy can do anything.
8 Years Old - My mom knows a lot.
12 Years Old - My mother doesn't really know everything.
14 Years Old - Naturally, mother doesn't know that, either.
16 Years Old - Mother? She's hopelessly old fashioned.
18 Years Old - That old woman? She's way out of date.
25 Years Old - Well, she might know a little bit about it.
35 Years Old - Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.
55 Years Old - Wonder what Mom would have thought about it.
65 Years Old - Wish I could talk it over with Mom.


Linda R. said...

How true!

Debbie H said...

Oh, thanks, Jackie! Think I'll dust off my cape before the kids get here. lol

Sue D said...

Brought a smile to my face!