I've just been diagnosed as colorblind. I know, it certainly has come out of the purple!
Want to hear a cat joke? No? Oh, you gotta be kitten me!
6 out of 7 dwarves aren't happy.
Last night I had a dream that I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.
Why don't you play any games with the God of Thunder?
Because he's a Thor loser.
I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
Mom: "Oh look, free baby samples."
Dad: "No thanks, I already like the one we've got."
"You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?"
"I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude..I like that."
"Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car. Go crazy!"
"What do you mean, you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?"
"Your mother and I are going away for the weekend...you might want to consider throwing a party."
"No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring. Now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall."
"Whaddya want to get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend."