Friday, June 8, 2012

Friday Funnies: Flights

Yesterday I took my 19th flight of the year, which was pleasant enough but not as giggle-inducing as Kulula Airlines' idea about how to paint their planes:

Earlier this year, I'd posted a couple of other examples. This one is perhaps my favorite, because I like to call our owner (Ted Cutts, aka "Mr. Stampers Anonymous) The Big Cheese:

These days, of course, you get charged for everything on the flight:

I know that starting off my trip with this safety announcement from Turkish airlines Pegasus would make things fun:

Here's a little more humor from the flight deck, taken from Father Kris's blog:

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget. 


Linda R. said...

Thanks for my Friday morning smiles. Glad I don't fly UPS!

Debbie Fisher (debbiedee) said...

very cute!

Alexandra said...

So funny, especially the UPS gripe sheet, thanks for the giggle.

Sue D said...

Very funny--I like the cat installed in cockpit.

Debbie H. said...

Oh,thanks for those laugh-out-loud moments! Makes me want to book a flight with UPS! ;) Love the humor. And the kids! They remind me of "Little Rascals", the movie we watch with our grandkids EVERY summer. What a hoot! Needed that today! Thanks! :)

Tex / Bev Gerard said...

***giggle fits in TX!***
Must show these pilot/maintenance comments to hubby ... and neighbor (pilot & wife). Hoot!!

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