Friday, March 1, 2013

Friday Funnies: Las Vegas

Created by Michelle Pearson
11142MC Gambling Worldly Women Clear Set

As you read this post, Steve and I are finishing a mini-vacation to Las Vegas this week. It's something that we had talked about for nearly five years, so we finally decided to "just do it."

Besides, I will be at the Carson show on his birthday, so this will serve as an early present. For you, it is the topic of today's humor, starting with a blonde joke:

A young, sexy blonde went to Las Vegas. She had been in the casino for about an hour, when she suddenly realized she was thirsty. She went to the pop machine in the hall and put a dollar in the slot. A a Pepsi came out, and she set it on the nearby bench.

She put in another dollar, and another Pepsi came out. Then she did it again, and set both cans next to the first one.

Just as she was starting to insert yet another dollar, a man saw her and then spotted the cans lined up on the bench. He said, "May I ask what are you doing?"

The blonde replied, "Duh, I'm winning!"

* * *
Outside of a Las Vegas casino, a man walks up to a stranger and says, "Excuse me, sir, may I borrow 500 dollars? It's an emergency!"

The stranger says, "What, 500 dollars?! I don't even know you!"

The man says,"It's really important. My wife is suddenly very ill, and I need to take her to the emergency room. I've called and they say it will be 500 dollars to admit her."

The stranger says, "How do I know you won't take my 500 dollars and go inside the casino and gamble with it?"

The man says, "Well, of course not. I've already got gambling money!"

* * *

A group from Chicago spent a weekend gambling in Las Vegas. One of the men on the trip won $100,000. He didn't want anyone to know about it, so he decided not to return with the others, but instead took a later plane, arriving home at 3:00 AM.

As soon as the taxi dropped him off at his house, he immediately to the backyard, dug a hole, and planted the money in it. He covered up the hole and then went inside to go to bed.

The following morning, he walked outside and found only an empty hole. He noticed footsteps leading from the hole to the house next door, which was owned by a deaf-mute. On the same street lived a professor who understood sign language and was a friend of the deaf man.

Grabbing his pistol, the enraged man went to awaken the professor and dragged him to the deaf man's house. "You tell this guy that if he doesn't give me back my $100,000, I'm going to kill him!" he screamed at the professor.

The professor conveyed the message to his friend, and his friend replied in sign language, "I hid it in my backyard, underneath the cherry tree."

The professor turned to the man with the gun and said, "He's not going to tell you. He said he'd rather die first."

* * *

"There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one."
–Jack Yelton

“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.”
–Kin Hubbard

“I like to play blackjack. I’m not addicted to gambling, I’m addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.”
–Mitch Hedberg

* * *

Hope your weekend is full of luck and good fortune, Inky friends!

P.S. I have a quick story to share as a follow-up to last week's Friday Funnies inspired by International Dog Biscuit Day:

When I told Steve about it, he reminded me of the time that he reached into our "snack bag" that I used to keep on the kitchen counter, pulled out some crackers, and started munching on them.

I just about doubled over laughing, because I'd put the box of Baked Delights dog snacks in there without thinking...and that is what he had grabbed. I cannot believe I'd forgotten to post that story! ;-)


C2 said...

Is it Friday already?

Sue D said...

Funny stories--especially the last one with Steve eating the dog snacks!

Linda R. said...

Great jokes! Hope your trip was fun!

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