If you're like me this way, you'll enjoy today's jokes:
A businessman walked into a bar, sat down, and ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a voice say, "Nice tie!"
Looking around, he saw that the bar was empty, except the bartender who was all the way at the other end of the bar. The man shrugged and was about to take a sip of his beer when the same voice said, "Nice haircut!"
The man called the bartender over. "I could be losing my mind," he told the bartender. "I keep hearing these voices saying nice things to me, but there's no one in here but us."
"Oh, it's the peanuts," the bartender said, pointing to a bowl of peanuts sitting on the bar.
"What?” asked the man. "The peanuts?"
"“Yeah," the bartender replied. "It's the peanuts...they're complimentary."
A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started buzzing around his head. The farmer swatted at it, missed it, and kept on milking his cow.
Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. Apparently, it went in one ear and out the udder.
Several chess players were standing in the lobby of a hotel, talking to each other. One chess player mentioned a victory he recently had, then another talked about a tournament he won, and then a third told a story of winning his most difficult chess game ever.
After about an hour, the hotel manager came from around the front desk and asked them to leave the lobby.
"I don't understand," one of them said. "Why can’t we stay here?"
"Because," the manager informed him. "I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."