Friday, November 15, 2013

Friday Funnies: Church Bulletin Bloopers

Good heavens, grammar and punctuation can indeed be important! Sometimes small errors in proofreading can result in a whole new meaning that is unintentional but hilarious.

Take church bulletins, for example. The excerpts below are supposedly taken from actual published handouts. I hope you like them as much as I do, and enjoy them in the lighthearted spirit in which they're being shared. :-)

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north end of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. White to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

Tuesday at 5 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk, please come early.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 pm in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

Thursday night - potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands!

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed accompanied by the pastor."

Thursday at 5:00 pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

The choir will meet at the Larsen house for fun and sinning.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

Ushers will eat latecomers.

Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.


Linda R. said...

These are great!! Church secretaries should turn off auto correct and proof read....wait, then we wouldn't be able to....never mind.

Renee M said...

These are hilarious! :)

Sue D said...

Love these!

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