Friday, August 1, 2014

Friday Funnies: Man's (and Babies') Best Friend

Are you in the mood for something super cute, Inky friends? I ran across this video, which is definitely aww-inspiring:

Of course, it made me want to share a few dog jokes with you:

The Vet Bill

A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he lay the dog on the table, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope, placing the receptor on the dog's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away."

"What?!" demanded the man. "How can you tell? You haven't even done any testing on him or anything. I want another opinion!"

With that, the vet turned and left the room. In a few moments, he returned with a Labrador Retriever. The retriever went right to work, thoroughly checking over the poor dead dog. After a considerable amount of sniffing, the retriever sadly shook his head and said, "Woof."

The veterinarian then took the Labrador Retriever out of the room and returned in a few moments with a cat, who also hovered over the dog on the table. As had his predecessors, the cat sadly shook his head and said, "Meow." He then jumped off the table and ran out of the room.

The veterinarian handed the man a bill for $600. The dog's owner went postal. "Six hundred dollars! Just to tell me my dog is dead? This is outrageous!"

The vet shook his head sadly and explained, "If you had taken my word for it, the bill would have been only $50, but with the Lab work and the Cat scan, it's much higher."

* * *

Yep, dogs (and cats) can do some pretty amazing things, like this pup:

Talking Dog

A guy is driving around the back woods and he sees a sign in front of a broken down, shanty-style house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there. "You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says, "So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all, they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.

"I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger, so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.

"I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired," concludes the dog.

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog. "Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because the dog's a damn liar. He never did any of that stuff."

* * *

Have you ever heard a dog talk in real life? Mishka is pretty amazing. In fact, she's been on the Today Show and has her own YouTube channel. Check this out:

No Dogs Allowed

A man walks into a bar with a small dog under his arm and sits down at the counter, placing the dog on the stool next to him. The bartender says, "Sorry, pal. No dogs allowed."

The man says, "But this is a special dog--he talks!"

"Yeah, right," says the bartender. "Now get out of here before I throw you out."

"No, wait," says the man. "I'll prove it." He turns to the dog and asks, "What do you normally find on top of a house?"

"Roof!" says the dog, wagging his tail.

"Listen, pal..." says the bartender.

"Wait," says the man, "I'll ask another question." He turns to the dog again and asks, "What's the opposite of soft?"

"Ruff!" exclaims the dog.

"Quit wasting my time and get out of here," says the bartender.

"One more chance," pleads the man. Turning to the dog again, he asks, "Who was the greatest baseball player that ever lived?"

"Ruth!" barked the dog.

"Okay, that's it!" says the bartender, and he physically throws both man and dog out the door and onto the street.

Turning to the man, the dogs shrugs and says, "Maybe I should have said Joe DiMaggio instead?"


Carol L said...

BWahahaha!! Fun videos and dog stories - thanks for the chuckles :)

Sue D said...

Wonderful. The one titled Talking Dog made me laugh out loud.

Jennifer Scull said...

these are grrrrrreat! ha! ;)

my dogs are my bestest friends. that video of the little pup and the baby in the bouncy seat just makes my heart melt every time I see it. so sweet!

Linda R. said...

These were great. We had a husky who sounded exactly like this one. Its uncanny how much alike they sounded.

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