Friday, September 19, 2014

Friday Funnies: Unusual Products From Amazon

As we enter the fall and winter months, soon many of us will be starting to shop for holiday gifts. As for myself, I prefer to wait until December, when the pressure is on!

But for those early birds among us, I'd like to show you a few ideas for super weird unique gifts that are sure to elicit gasps of terror delight from surprised recipients. Even better, they're all available on Amazon.com, one of my favorite online shopping sites.

Let's start with this distinctive singing vegetable:


It's the Yodelling Pickle, which can be yours for only $10.94.

One of the reasons I like Amazon so much is the helpful reviews, which cover the pros and cons so I can feel like an informed buyer. Here are three of them I found especially enlightening:

Review #1
My twelve year-old niece asked for the Justin Bieber CD for Christmas, so I bought her this yodeling pickle. Nobody so far can tell the difference.

Review #2
Now the age old question, from the beginnings of the internet, emerges. Two Hutzler banana slicers, or one yodeling pickle?

Review #3
I was sitting down to my usual dinner of a bologna sandwich and a Dr. Pepper, when I chanced upon this gem of a product. I looked at my plate and commanded my vlassic to croon me with some dinner music, but alas, the preseved cucumber in brine just sat there, looking rather foolish as it pretended not to hear me. As if.

No more must I put up with a prima donna heinz that demands crystal glasses and silver plates before it hums a few bars of the theme from the Love Boat... no, now I command my pickle to yodel, and it is so.

* * *

If you were hoping the Yodelling Pickle was edible, you'll be sadly disappointed. Instead, you may wish to check out these alternatives: Pickle Candy Canes or Pickle Gumballs.

Looking for something a little more fanciful? How about this carefully preserved gem:


That's right, who can resist Canned Unicorn Meat? Besides, everyone knows that consumable items make some of the most practical and thoughtful presents!

And now for the reviews:

Review #1
I was pleasantly surprised by the unicorn meat, even though canned. It is more tender than the centaur I've had, and far less stringy than faun. My only concern is that after feeding it to my infant son, his diaper was filled with skittles.

Review #2
I bought this item because I am planning on making my famous Unicorn Casserole for the upcoming Memorial Day weekend. It arrived quickly and in good condition, and as it is a canned product, did not require any special refrigeration in shipping.

I've used this company's unicorn meat for years. My casseroles always come out perfectly, with a rich, strong flavor of sunshine and rainbows. Be forewarned, though: unicorns are not as big as you think. If you are planning a large casserole, you may need to have more unicorn meat than what is in the can.

Review #3
My daughter couldn't stop crying when I served this for dinner, although maybe it was just gas from the deep-fried fairy appetizer.

* * *

By the way, if unicorn isn't your thing, you could always opt for Canned Dragon Meat.

Last but not least, for something non-food related, why not consider this useful element from nature:


This tin of Uranium Ore is more expensive than the other products above, so it's only suitable for those with a higher budget. However, its practical uses are endless, as noted below:

Review #1
I'm buying this for my wife who happens to be a geologist. I truly believe nothing says "I love you" like uranium 238. Except plutonium.

Review #2
Magic stuff. Been taking 1 spoon a day for 3 weeks. I can now type this review using all 12 fingers.

Review #3
Mixed this in with rose fertilizer and have blooms nearly one foot in diameter! Drawback is I can't cut them, as they growl at me whenever I get near them with the scissors...and they've eaten several small birds and a stray kitten...

* * *

So, there you go, some gems to add to your gift-giving list! Which one will YOU be adding to your shopping cart, Inky friends?

4 comments:

Linda R. said...

I visit Amazon often...who would have thought!! Thanks for the laughs.

Sue D said...

Oh my--I have never heard of any of these before. Love the reviews.

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